White Tea: Not Safe for Children

Bridget and I have gotten high only once.

And that time was on accident.

We were never partiers in high school. In fact, I don’t think either one of us ever drank a beer in high school that wasn’t with our parents. Even now, the only time we drink is when we’re watching a Sox game, and then only because it’s appropriate for the occasion. And don’t even get me started on pot, cigarettes, or any of those other crazy drugs some kids try (Wow, I feel like an old lady right now). We were about as straight edge as you get.

Except for tea.

Bridget and I are tea addicts. Black tea is our drug of choice, but we’ve tried every type of tea we could get our hands on: green tea, red tea, oolong tea, you name it. And white tea. Oh….. white tea.

The incident in question was in 2005. It was winter break after my first semester in college. Bridget and I had been parted for 4 whole months, and that was almost more than we can stand. She came over, and with it she brought my Christmas present. We always give each other thoughtful and meaningful gifts, and this year was no exception. Bridget got me this great pack of white tea from a small store in western Mass. Neither of us had ever tried white tea before, and we were both keen to see what it tasted like. We didn’t know anything about it except what it said on the label.

The label was very specific. It told us to heat the water until it was exactly 185°F. Then we had to brew the tea for exactly 3 minutes - no more, no less. The tea was apparently very fickle and we needed to get it just right.

We did everything the label asked of us. We even used my mom’s meat thermometer to gage the exact temperature of the water. We both thought that this was a little silly, but we did it anyway. We always do what we’re told. And at the end, we had two lovely cups of tea…

Or so we thought.

Our tea resting in our hands, we made our way into the living room and turned on the TV, looking for something to watch. It being a Wednesday afternoon, there was nothing on but Oprah and the occasional celebrity judge. We flipped through the channels until we got to HBO. There, wonder of wonders, was the greatest thing either of us had ever seen.

David Hasselhoff playing the lead role of a televised version of Jekyll and Hyde, the musical.

As we sipped our tea, we found the whole thing very silly. David Hasselhoff is not meant to play dramatic roles, especially not ones requiring a singing voice. As the show progressed (we had jumped in right at the dramatic climax), we started giggling.

Then we started laughing.

Then we started cracking jokes, which only made us laugh harder.

White tea is supposed to be caffeine free. In fact, it’s supposed to be one of the most calming of the teas, containing ¾ the caffeine content of green tea.

But for some reason it had the opposite effect on Bridget and me. Instead of calming us down, it made us hyper. Hyper to the point where we couldn’t sit still, where we were talking over one another, barely stopping to catch our breath.

Maybe the reason they call it white tea is because it’s laced with cocaine. Or maybe someone thought it would be funny to give a couple of young girls cracked out tea. Either way, we were high on something. Maybe it was life. Maybe it was the fact that David Hasselhoff can’t sing. Either way, there was something off about the whole situation.

The best part about this story, however, is that Bridget has a completely different version of it. I talked to her after I had written a draft of the blog and asked her what she thought. Her response was, “Yeah… I don’t remember any of that. The last thing I remember is taking the temperature of the water until we were halfway through the second showing of Jekyll and Hyde and downing our second cup of tea.”

To be honest, I don’t really remember much after that. It’s all a bit hazy. Bridget has a clearer recollection of certain events that occurred that night.

Her version goes like this: We brewed the tea, as I mentioned. After that, however, her memory is blank until about an hour later. She states that we had a second cup, which I believe, considering the effect of that first cup. And apparently Jekyll and Hyde was on rerun, so there were two showings of the musical in succession. We watched the end of the first, and then started in on the second.

Bridget also remembers something I completely forget. Apparently my good friend Pete came to stay at my house. According to her, it was New Year's Eve, and both my and Pete’s parents were going to a party together. Since neither Pete nor Bridget and I had any plans, his parents dropped him off at my place, only to witness the most ridiculous scene of Bridget and I high off our asses. I feel bad for him. I should probably apologize to him, but hopefully he’s blocked that out of his memory.

Pete is my oldest friends. Our mutual older brothers went to daycare together, as did Pete and I. I’ve known him since he was born (I’m older by 10 months). He must have been so weirded out by us both. I can only imagine his inner monologue during this episode, “Lord, Abby must have some weird friends. Is she turning into a druggy? How long would it take for me to walk home from here? Can I call my parents, or will they already be too drunk? I guess I’ll just stick it out, as I have nowhere else to go…”

All in all, it took us a few hours to calm down. We still don’t know if there was actually something in the tea, or if it was just us being hyper (that has been known to happen, from time to time). Still, from that day forward we swore off white tea. I still to this day refuse to drink it. So what if it’s supposed to be good for you? So what if that cup was a fluke. I won’t take my chances. There are plenty other teas in the world.